SATURDAY NIGHTS WITH SPARKS

DIARY OF AN IMMIGRATION OFFICER

The Genysys

Phew!!! Where do I start?? How do I make you understand?? Okay, let’s go the "genesys".

One day while teaching my students, I came across a job vacancy. Are you shocked??  yes, thanks to SUREP, Former President Goodluck Jonathan's Initiative, I had a teaching job, with three other girls. So, during one of those periods when the kids are sleeping, hmmmn...my school was an ajebo one o, the kids learn, eat, sleep, swim if its Friday.

So, they were sleeping and I was on my phone - browsing. I was always on my phone. I was very current with regards to things happening around me - Politics, entertainment, gossip...and as a fresh ex-corper then - job vacancies!!

I was almost getting tired of aptitude tests, travelling all the way to PH to write dragnet test (in all truthfulness, those tests DO NOT make sense!!). I applied for every vacancy I saw, and it was frustrating!!

The companies dishing out tests don’t make it easy at all, some don’t even have the courtesy to tell you that you have failed the test, they just leave you waiting hopelessly. The most annoying ones are the ones you feel you have written your best, only for them to tell you that you didn’t meet the cut off, and I’m like, ‘Is your cut off 98%??’

Then, I had two friends who taught in the same school with me, so when Immigration vacancy was advertised, I applied and encouraged them too. After series of updates, which they sadly missed, but I completed, I was invited for the test.

Hmmmn!! I went there like every other person...didn’t think much, just wanted to get done with it.

They said, "come to the center with your print out and your ID", we didn’t need any pen or pencil because it was an online test.

Orobo took me to the venue. *shines teeth* Now here's what is strange. This test ran from Monday to thursday of that week, each day having about 4 different groups. 8am, 10am and 3pm or so. My date was for Tuesday...by 10am.

I got there in time...and the crowd I saw...Lord Jesus!!! I lost all hope of ever getting employed... the crowd was massive!! I saw the young, old, pregnant ladies, slim, tall models (you know height is a big criterion in the paramilitary) ...I was terrified.

We stood on the line, our documents were checked, and we were ushered into the hall, where we still lined up again.

An exam for over 1000 people was to be taken in a computer center that had only about 60 working computers....mtcheewww!! are we not in Nigeria??

I stayed on the line, tried as much as possible to politely ignore that officer that was flirting by all means....numbskull!!

I got into the hall after standing on the line for about one hour. They reeled all the instructions as usual...and told us to start. I can’t really remember how many questions in total, about 50 I guess. We had math, english, abstract, current affairs!! Mehn!! I can say thank you to dragnet for the abstract section, they are not totally useless.

The current affairs was quite funny. They asked me a question on one Nigerian artist, options included Don Jazzy, Dbanj, Tiwa and Asa...imagine ooo.

Then as if God wanted to punish me, they asked the meaning of SURE-P!!! Look at me...a SUREP intern...and I was all shades of falling hand!! I wan cry!!

They asked about President Buhari too. In all, the questions were fair. In math and english, we showed them how it’s done baby!! I couldn’t hold that giggle when I heard one guy telling his friends that "God will punish them for that kind math wey dem set"

 I left the hall smiling!!....but not completely happy because I felt there were just soooo many people.

I went back to calabar....to continue teaching my kids A, B, C!!

To be continued.....

About the Author
Here is what Andikan Inyang also known as 'Sparks' has to say about herself......................

As a Chemical Engineering graduate, former Immigration Officer and present day banker.....and most importantly, a foodie, I hide behind my pen.......therein lies my strength. I hope to pursue a career in writing and explore the world of poetry. So help me God.