WOULD YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK? THESE TIPS CAN HELP

WOULD YOU WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK? THESE TIPS CAN HELP

On Friday, 27^th January, 2017, Emmy and I visited Monseg Travel World in Gbagada to retrieve some account opening packages I had given out earlier. Co-incidentally, I concluded my article on the 2017 appropriation bill (http://shegzsablezs.blogspot.com.ng/2017/01/2017-appropriation-bill-budget-of.html) on the same day and I had not really decided the topic for the following week. So I asked Emmy if she had anything in mind she would like me to write about and she was like; ‘Please write about the marriage fever in Nigeria, somebody wants me to write something on marriage’  and I was like; ‘okay, I have not really written anything on Marriage before’ so Emmy’s suggestion worked out for me.

However, I have written an article on relationships – ‘Tips on How to Build a Lasting Relationship’. You can read my previous article on relationships on my blog; (http://shegzsablezs.blogspot.com.ng/2017/02/tips-on how-to-build-lasting.html) and leave your comments in the comments box if you have a different opinion or any other point you would like to include. This write-up is a follow up to my previous article on relationships.

Apparently, the Encarta Dictionary of English defines Marriage as legal relationship between spouses; ‘a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners’. Alternatively, an article by Connect Nigeria also defines Marriage as a universal institution which is recognized and respected all over the world. As a social institution, marriage is founded on, and governed by laws, social and religious norms of society.

Perhaps, it can be deduced from the above definitions that Marriage is a social contract involving two individuals that intend to live together in peace and harmony. In subsequent paragraphs, I would examine in great details the tips on how to make our marriages work. They are listed in no particular order, they are;

v Communication & Time Together- Lori Edelson is a marriage expert and a therapist; she believes that communication and spending time together are the keys to strengthening marriages. ‘It is impossible to imagine one without the other!’ – She notes.  We should all endeavour to set aside 10 minutes a day to talk to our partners. We could ask about his/her favourite movie, we can ask him/her to recall a happy memory from childhood, or/and ask him/her what they would like to be remembered for, ask him/her to name the three worst songs of all time. ‘Do it at dinner, before bed, or anytime—as long as you do it for 10 minutes every day. This simple change infuses relationships with new life’. - Dr. Terri Orbuch.In my previous article, I noted that; ‘Partners should ensure that they communicate their feelings and opinions on important and trivial matters because it the bane of all human relationships. No relationship can get better than the level of rapport of the lovers in the affair. We should all ensure that we express our feelings, thoughts and opinions to our partners and others persons directly or indirectly affecting us without making harmful and derogatory statements’. (Oluwole Olusanya, 2015).

v Respect & Trust- One of the most important factor in a good marriage is mutual respect. Respect each other, avoid verbal abuse and keep insults to yourself. Georgia Panayi illustrates that bad words are just like squeezing toothpaste out of its tube — once it is out, you can never get it back in again. Donald Pelles, Ph.D., also believes that any strong marriage is a partnership in trust. He encourages us to trust our spouses in everything, including purchases and financial decisions, and to bring up things with us that need a joint decision. He concluded that if you can't do that, the two of you have a problem.  Similarly, I offered some ways trust can be built in my previous article; ‘we can also build trust through the following ways; Open communication, Willingness to share; Consistency in behaviour, actions and words; and reliability’. (Oluwole Olusanya, 2015).

v Patience & Perseverance- I believe everyone would agree with me that these two tips are important ingredients in any marriage. We should endeavor to be patience and preserving especially when things are not going the way we would like them to go. Patience and perseverance are very important. 

v Prayer & Love- Talking to God is inviting him to direct our paths. God is always available to be called upon for help and direction anytime and every time. As much as I would not like to sound like a cleric, I want to state categorically to everyone reading this piece that he is my friend and he is more than a friend, whatever he is invited to turns out to be positive.

 We should endeavor to show that we love and care about everyone around us because it has never been short in supply. The scriptures encourages us to love our neighbors as we would; ourselves. Love and generosity should be exhibited towards those we exclaim are an important part of our lives. We should make sure we show that we care and give our utmost attention to our partners from the little things we unconsciously overlook to the major stuffs that make headlines and head turns. Love is all we should give because love is all we need. Love is life, Love is everything.

Conclusively, I am certain that these few tips can influence significant changes in our marriages and social interactions with people outside wedlock if we ensure that we make sincere efforts to incorporate them into our relationships with the people that play important roles in our everyday lives.

However, my readers are encouraged to also offer a number of important tips in the comment box on my blog which are not included in this write-up especially those of us that have considerable marriage and relationship experience. In addition to the suggestion above, please feel free to share your marriage and relationship experience and challenges in the comment box so that they would be given a transparent evaluation and workable solutions would be recommended.

Lastly, I would also like to acknowledge the fact that this article is a complete deviation from Emmy’s suggestion, I only decided to give some tips on marriage because love is in the air and St. Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I promise to write something cool and nice on the marriage fever in Nigeria later. 

Well, it was still inspired by Emmy though, who said there are not silver linings after all?

Have a splendid Weekend Everyone

Olusanya, Oluwole Sheriff