Why we're always attracted to the wrong guy

BY STACEY LAURA LLOYD

Have you ever wondered why you keep falling for the wrong guys? Perhaps you've been searching non-stop for your very own prince, but you continue to attract frog after frog. The good news is that once you're able to recognize the 10 key reasons you keep choosing Mr. Wrong over Mr. Right, you'll finally be able to find the fairy tale ending to your love story.

You have low self-esteem



In many instances, women fall for the wrong men because these women are battling with low self-esteem. In fact, a 2014 Glamour survey revealed that over 50 percent of women are unhappy with their bodies, and approximately 80 percent of women can't even look at themselves in the mirror without overwhelming feelings of disappointment and self-loathing. And with these unfortunate statistics in mind, it's not surprising women can end up attracting men who don't treat them well, don't fulfill their needs, and don't provide them with love and emotional support because these women think they don't deserve any better.

And because these women tend to only believe the worst about themselves and mistakenly think they're not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough, or successful enough, they pick men who directly play into these insecurities. Fortunately, if you're struggling with self-esteem issues, there are steps you can take right now to combat these feelings of self-doubt, such as putting an end to negative self-talk, finding new and interesting activities you enjoy, and letting go of your incessant need to compare yourself to others. When you're able to see just how amazing you truly are, you'll be better equipped to attract a man who recognizes this about you as well.

You're afraid of being alone



Along these lines, another reason women fall for the wrong guys is that these women are afraid of being by themselves. In fact, research has shown that many women are more than willing to stay in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because they're intimidated by the prospect of being alone. In other words, the idea of being on their own is so off-putting and unnerving that many women would rather stay with men who are wrong for them simply because these women think it's better than being alone.

However, if you're a person who'd rather settle for less because you're afraid of being single, you're single-handedly making a huge mistake that can be highly detrimental and destructive to your life. In the first place, staying in a dissatisfying and difficult relationship can negatively affect your emotional and physical health. Secondly, by choosing to be with the wrong man over being on your own, you're actually making yourself completely unavailable to other men who could potentially be right for you. So it's never been more important to face your fear of being without a plus one so that you don't miss out on the opportunity to meet "the one."

You're afraid of commitment



When looking more closely at why women fall for the wrong men, another key reason is that many women have a fear of commitment. For instance, some women purposefully sabotage their relationships by pursuing men with whom there's no real possibility of a future, and they do so because this option eliminates the risk of getting hurt.

In addition, there are women who fall for the wrong guys in order to fully avoid the responsibilities as well as the vulnerabilities that are key components of a mature, committed relationship. So if you're a person who's afraid to fully open up and let your guard down around someone, the good news is that there are steps you can take right now to let go of your fear of commitment and find a deep and meaningful relationship. Specifically, if you know in your heart that you'd like to find a serious relationship, it's time to tackle your fear head-on by getting out of your comfort zone and opening yourself up to new people, experiences, and possibilities. And even if you're afraid of being completely vulnerable, it's important to remember that without risk, there's no reward.

You think you can change him



An additional reason why women fall for the wrong guys is that these women believe that they can change these men into the partner and person they want him to be. In other words, many women think they can alter things about a man, such as the way he dresses, how he behaves, what he eats, his profession, his thoughts about marriage, his relationship with his family, and/or his smoking and drinking habits, to name a few. However, if you fall for a man who you think is in need of fixing or you're trying to change his behaviors and beliefs, the only thing he's likely to change is his relationship status to single.

So rather than viewing men who are wrong for you as fixer-uppers you can mold, shape, and rebuild, it's time to look for guys who already have the qualities, characteristics, and priorities in place that are important to you. Remember, you can't change a man, but you do have the power to change which man you're interested in pursuing.

Your priorities are out of whack



If you're wondering why you always fall for the wrong guys, an additional reason is that you may not be using the best criteria when it comes to choosing men for long-term and committed relationships. For instance, you may put a greater emphasis on what a man looks like, how much money he makes, or what kind of car he drives over other types of important characteristics, such as his values, ethics, and beliefs. And while it's important you don't settle when it comes to choosing a potential partner, it's equally important to push past the superficialities and dig a little deeper if you're truly looking to connect with someone on a more meaningful level.

With this in mind, it's time to do a little soul-searching in order to determine what really matters to you in a relationship. Are a man's looks your number one priority? Or do you care more about his other interests, passions, and personal attributes? Once you can clearly understand what specific qualities and beliefs you truly value in another person, you can then pursue the right man who meets your new and improved standards.

You don't pay attention to red flags



You also may be falling for the wrong guys because you're not paying close enough attention to possible relationship red flags. For example, you may choose to ignore or overlook the fact that a man behaves in a rude, possessive, dishonest, and/or jealous manner, when in reality, these kinds of disrespectful actions are clear indicators that he's the wrong man for you in every respect.

In fact, even his incessant need to spend every waking moment with you, his insistence on moving your relationship at warp speed, as well as his tendency to deflect blame for any wrongdoings are also red flags that can have dire consequences for your mental and physical health and well-being, as noted by the National Network to End Domestic Violence. So rather than disregarding these immediate signs of trouble ahead, it's important to pay close attention to any of his unsettling behaviors that leave you a little uneasy from the very outset of your time together.

You're programmed from childhood



Another reason you're falling for the wrong guys may actually be directly tied to your upbringing. In fact, research has shown that people tend to pick partners who share similar characteristics with their opposite-sex parent, as noted in Current Psychology. And when these shared characteristics are highly negative, such as your partner and father can both be described as short-tempered, ill-mannered, or unreliable, it's been shown that your relationship satisfaction is lower as well.

Even more telling, many women also unconsciously seek out men who share these negative traits with a parent as a way to attempt to right a wrong that these women faced during their youth. For example, if you grew up with a father who was totally aloof, there's an increased likelihood that you'll pursue men who are also aloof in the hopes of changing this behavior as a way to rectify your treatment during childhood. And while it's unfortunate, women also tend to fall for the wrong guys who share negative traits with a parent because these kinds of detrimental behaviors are not only familiar, but rationalized and normalized from a young age.


You have a relationship pattern that's hard to shake



If you're wondering why you keep falling for the wrong guys, another reason is that you have a relationship pattern that consistently draws you toward men who aren't right for you. After all, if you look back at your past relationships, do the men you've been with seem to share similar negative qualities? Were they narcissists, unwilling to commit, or did they treat you poorly?

Many women can become trapped in a negative relationship cycle that causes them to keep falling for the same type of wrong guy over and over again, and these women are constantly left brokenhearted as a result. And while the first step in breaking a negative relationship history is to recognize that you do indeed have a pattern of selecting the wrong men, the next steps are to look internally and figure out what characteristics you truly value in a partner. In a word, it's time to make a list of your relationship non-negotiables, and with this knowledge in hand, you'll be setting yourself up to meet the right man who differs significantly from the significant others of your past.

You're a drama queen



Another reason why women consistently fall for the wrong guys is that these women love the attention that relationship drama can bring. In a word, many women tend to act like drama queens who not only overreact, over-exaggerate, and over-complicate different situations, but they thrive off of the attention it brings from others. And by seeking out men who are disrespectful, self-centered, or immature, these women have the perfect excuse to go into full-on drama queen mode in order to consume the time, energy, and focus of those around them.

However, people who seek out drama often do so in the hopes of trying to prove to those around them, as well as to themselves, that they're important. So if you're a bit on the dramatic side, it's time to put the focus on yourself and take steps toward improving your self-esteem, as this incessant need to have drama in your life can actually stem from the misguided belief that you need it in order for others to care about you — but this is simply not the case.

You haven't yet met "the one"



Another reason women keep falling for the wrong guys is that they simply haven't met the right person. For instance, perhaps you're not truly putting yourself out there, haven't made dating a priority, or feel a bit discouraged because of the different dudes (or more appropriately, duds) you've dated thus far. However, if you're wondering why you keep falling for the wrong men, it may simply have to do with the fact that you haven't yet crossed paths with the right man who'll truly care about you, emotionally support you, and love you.

But the good news is that you can take action right now and put the odds in your favor when it comes to attracting men of quality. You shouldn't be afraid to sign up for dating apps, ask others to fix you up, factor time for dating into your busy schedule, and seize the opportunity to meet new people. In a word, putting in the effort to meet Mr. Right is the right decision.

Say goodbye to Mr. Wrong



It's clear there are many different reasons why women fall for the wrong men, including self-esteem issues, misplaced priorities, a disregard for red flags, as well as a need for relationship drama. Fortunately, once you fully understand the underlying causes behind your misplaced attention and affection toward these unworthy and undeserving men, you can close this chapter in your life and look toward a better and brighter future. Mr. Right is right around the corner.

SOURCE: THE LIST